its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
