You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
