ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
