that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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