I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
