TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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