Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
