I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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