puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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