dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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