I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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