Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
