I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
