Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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