first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
