The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
