He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
