My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
zippers are such a cool invention
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Less talking, more tequila
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
