its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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