Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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