And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My hand turned me down
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
