Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
