i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
