he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
