she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
