I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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