Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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