I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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