i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
