So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
