She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
