oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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