It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I deserve this hangover.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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