omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
