There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
