Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
