it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
