I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
