Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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