dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
