NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
