You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
