He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
