I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
