Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
