fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
