Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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