you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will be naked everywhere
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
