I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
