how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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