he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
