I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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