I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
